Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jennifer's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, October 7th, 2009
6:57 pm	Update Schmupdate Quick little update : Doing decent.  Job is kicking along.  Same shit different day.  I'm surprised how long I'm lasting there !  Highly impressed in myself. Dating...Tons and tons of boys are all up on me.. I think they finally all got the hint though when I refused to go on dates with them.  I'm over it.  I'm looking to find that one person.  I think I did, but hes so far away and its so impossible.  I figured I would date in my own country.  Seeing this guy.  Hes great.. I'm just not sure though.  Younger than me, blah blah blah...Its pretty much 2003 all over again.  Every country and state wants him for work.  He wants to stay in Rochester though to get his PHD.  I don't know.  I just started dating him around 3 weeks ago.. We'll see.  I don't like his friends at all First time I met his best friend we got into it.  I already been through this once, I'm not dating someone with brokeass lame dirtbag friends.. for real the first thing he said to me was "You got any hot friends I could fuck?  I want someone short, under 100 lbs and not as outspoken as you.  You need to learn to keep your mouth shut".  So I told him off and told him goodluck finding anything.  Fucking scumbag.  I'm just so set on what I want, I've turned down a lot of chances to actually be really really happy.  I'm sick of just dating though.  I'm ready for an actual relationship.  God I want to move to a different country hehehe (hes dating some random broads though.. yes broads with an S).  My different country obsession made me realize what I EXACTLY want in a guy.  Too bad theres nothing that could compare around here . Traveling : Going to Tampa for 2 weeks house hunting, vacation, job interviewing, hockey gaming.  All with my mom :)  I'm taking her and paying for everything (Thank you job).  She deserves it and could give me some insight into my big move.  I also decided to do a 2 week Cross country tour of Canada, and am going to Finland in April.  I am doing EXTREMELY well in learning the Finnish Suomi language. Hyvasti :)   **EDIT NEXT DAY : The younger guy with the shitty friends.. yeah peace out.  Not talking anymore.  My standards are getting a little too high.. nah.. he exists.. just not anwhere around NY or North America** Current Mood: determined Current Music: Alexisonfire "Accidents" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 23rd, 2009
11:08 am	Hearts Stars Horseshoes   Do not fear for what will happen next, but realize that no matter what happens, you will be ready.  The world is a constant spin.  When we feel like we have it all figured out, God throws us the pawns, the world, and makes us realize, to keep going cause what we have not found, is still out there. Everytime I feel that I know what I want, something, someone comes along and changes it.  If only I could mix everything, everyone together.  I wish I had someone really to talk to about this.  Its a beautiful thing to help someone find what they are looking for, but its horrible once they find it, they leave you behind.  I have always felt used in so many ways... but no matter what, I never could ever want to use something or someone.  I've always tried my hardest to be the most caring, selfless person ever.  A lot of people reading this could be shouting "bullshit you selfish fucking cunt" and I don't care.    I never cared what you ever thought of me.  I just lived my life the way I wanted to.  Maybe thats why I'm writing this.  If you never liked me, or would talk behind my back, why would you stick around for so long?  And when you left, why did you take everyone with you?  I guess it doesn't matter now.  The only thing that matters is when you look up to the sky, I hope you realize how small you really are.  I hope you find what you are looking for and even to my worst "enemies", I hope nothing but their highest dreams. Life is too smal to be so trivial against someone else.  All I ever wanted was everyone to be happy.  I just hate the fact that now that everyone is, I've spent no time finding my own happiness.  I will find it... and I will feel like the brightest star.  I wonder where my true love is.  Where my best friend is.  Where my family is.  Where I am.     Incase we're all oblivious ... I'm so fucking in love with someone I probably could never have. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "Ocean" ~John Butler Trio (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 10th, 2009
5:51 pm	Gahhhhhh !!!!!!!!!! I'll summarize :  I went to a psychic:  First thing she said when she saw me was "You... hahaha wow.. Australia?  All of the past 2 years?  What were you thinking?" and I just stared sobbing.. I mean SOBBING !  I got a reading done and ... IT WAS AMAZING !  She was so dead on about EVERYTHING.. but THIS is what creeped me out .  Last weekend I met someone that we''ve been hitting if off with EXTREMELY well.. She doesn't know that OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT GONNA OPEN MY MOUTH ABOUT ANYTHING and I'm just gonna see if she brings it up... She goes "its about time".. so I said what.. and she says to me "You finally just met him.. You met the love of your life.  I'm seeing.. yup.. hes a leo and his name starts with a J. You met him within the past 2 weeks.. Hes the one".  WELL WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT THE KIDS NAME STARTS WITH A J AND HES A FREEEAAAAKKKING LEO ! haha.  She also said that next summer I'll have a major announcement probably an engagement, have a little boy by 29 and twin boys when I'm 32 (which everyone in the universe has been telling me for years.. twins does run in his family).  She said that I'm going to be very rich once I stop letting everyone get to me and I stop being so hard on myself.  She said I'm going to be extremely successful and marry into a rich family... We shall see... oh.. the last thing she said to me as I was walking out the door was "Don't be mad at your mom.. she didn't mean it". I get a call from my mom about 2 hours after I left the psychic saying that she was going through what was left of my room and she accidentally threw out a notebook of songs and poems I have been writing since I was 12 !!!  She couldn't get it back because the garbaged had already been picked up and it was long gone.  I sobbed and screamed at her for so long before I took a breath and just told her I was sorry for yelling..FIRST TIME I'VE EVER APOLOGIZED ! FREAKY !!!!  Current Mood: bored Current Music: Zebrahead "Get Back (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 6th, 2009
7:37 pm	Pfft Boys THIS GUY JUST CALLED ME 36 TIMES IN 4 MINUTES BEGGING ME TO COME OUT 36 FUCKING TIMES !! GET A FUCKING LIFE YOU GOD DAMN LOSER ! He texted me the other day and I told him I was at a party and he said "whatever I'm not interested in you anyway" so I laughed and said "Uhh I was never interested in you to begin with "  So he writes back "Well come over I want to make this work" MAKE WHAT WORK YOU FUCKING TOOL?  WE HUNG OUT ONCE AND YOU WERE ALL UP IN MY PIECE AND I TOTALLY SHOT YOU DOWN.  YOU ONLY GOT MY NUMBER FROM SOME BROAD THAT USED TO BE MY FRIEND..  Just because you slept with over 100 broads doesn't mean you can get THE BEST ONE !  Stopppppppp !! I told him to lose my number and drop off the earth pretty much.  Ewww !!!! GUYS ARE SO FUCKING EMO AND BITCHY !  GET OVER IT <3 In other news... The 4th was the best ever.  Spent it at my coworkers brothers house with everyone.  200 people, bands, food, drinks... and ... I'm not jinxing it yet ;) Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Optimus Rhyme "Anxiety" (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 21st, 2009
10:08 am	Fest Dreamer <3 Quick :  Went to see Old 97's (love them) by myself on Thursday.. Ran into a friend that I haven't talked to in over a year.  Shot the shit for a few, Went to go see No Doubt on Friday night.  AMAZING SHOW!  Lots of fun.. I'll write the whole story another time :P  Saw Cancer Bats and Billy Talent... I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM !!!!!!!  Seeing them again next week. ...  I never realized that Billy Talent wrote a song dedicated to me... She reads a book from across the street Waiting for someone that she'll never meet Talk over coffee for an hour or two She wonders why I'm always in a good mood Killing time before she struts her stuff She needs support and I've become the crutch She'll never know how much she means to me I'd play the game but I'm the referee (Surrender) Every word, every thought, every sound (Surrender) Every touch, every smile, every frown (Surrender) All the pain we've endured until now (Surrender) All the hope that I lost you have found (Surrender) Yourself to me God the first two lines & last two lines.... *Shakes head* I'm an idiot. Current Mood: pensive Current Music: "This could be anywhere in the world" ~Alexis on Fire (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
8:16 pm	Writer's Block: Set the Scene Empty parking garages, roadside motels, dark caves, dank basements, overgrown forests—what kind of setting makes you feel nervous? View 501 Answers Planes, The In-Laws, The doctors waiting room,  The twilight premiere.. That makes me nervous cause I'm afraid someone will live after I drunk drive a boat through the building :) Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 14th, 2009
5:49 pm	It fades away and now you're gone I've been thinking a lot about my vacation.  The one that I want more than anything.  The one that I've been saving up for.  I finally decided that it was time to tell my parents.  I sat them down this morning and started sobbing... "I have been let down by everything and everyone in my life.  I want to be free, please please help me.  I need this vacation.  For myself,  Let me go by myself.  I have no one and nothing here anymore". My mom and dad told the other half of a story I knew.  When my parents went to a psychic, she told of my brother's death, my family falling apart, my brother's and myself.  She said that I was going to live a life where I break away from all friends I ever have and marry rich.  What I was never told is what my parents told me this morning .. "Jennifer, when we went to the psychic she told us that you were going to ask for money and help to move far far away from us.  She said that there is where you would meet the love of your life, find friends and most of all find yourself".  They told me how this woman said to them that when I asked for help they HAD to do it.  Even if they didn't want to.  She told them that if they didn't help me, I was going to die.   I cried to my parents and just said to them "I'll never come home" and my mom started crying and said "I know" I leave September 18th.. and I'm going.. to find someone Current Mood: thankful Current Music: "Jesue Nitelite" (Comment on this)
Friday, June 5th, 2009
7:27 pm	Bacon & Bedpans Hopefully the cut works.. if not, sorry .. My computer is lame ( Hospital Visit  ) ( Hospital Visit  ) ( Hospital Visit  ) ( Hospital Visit  ) ( Hospital Visit  ) Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Show me the Way " Black Tide (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 31st, 2009
9:40 pm	Milk & Cookies This is the only site that is working right now.  I shall take that as a hint that I should update. I'm not going to talk about much.. That is MUCH needed for a more private entry.  Not to mention that I don't have the time right now.  I will say a few things.. Everyone should go see the movie UP in 3D :)  I saw it today and it was soo cute and soo good :)  I do believe it is written about my grandparents (who fyi HAVE THE SAME NAMES AS THE PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE!!).  I start sobbing when I realized that and everyone was looking at me like I was insane.  Also, I can't wait for the movie "Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs"!.  I LOVED that book as a child and I'm exicted :).  Is it bad that I'm really looking forward to Paris Hilton's My new BFF?  I think so.  I've been cooped up for a little while because I ended up catching a massive cold via my ever so giving coworkers :P  Thats the last time I share my tea with anyone !  Speaking of tea..I gave up my dunkies for tea, pop for water, and fried chicken for grilled veggies.  I am the skinniest I have been in around 6 years.  Its a great feeling (even though when I get the rare dunk my favorites hand em over for free).  I put my weight loss on stress as of late.  Work, Relationships, Life... Again thats something I will have to explain another time.  It sucks sometimes and I had a major breakdown last week that led me to lose my way.  Its strange when "something" happens to make you just change your mind on so much.. I have to sort out "That situation"... Its so stupid.. It really is.  Everything was fine.. Until I looked around me and realized the only person that was there for me...Was so far away. I'm $850 bucks saved up for my vacation..Problem is .. This bitch costs around $4000.  Looking at End of August Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
11:10 pm	Side of the Road We've been building Relentless Unforgiving Destroying and Making While they were suffering They screamed and they cried Only have time to say goodbye It was over before we left forgive forget don't pretend <3   I believe in fate more and more as I believe in you less and less... Leave me go back to where you belong...You were never yourself.. .you are .. A FUCKING PUPPET.   All for one.. that one is me.. You'll never break me Current Mood: creative Current Music: Fate (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
7:20 pm	Rambles Don't think just breathe.. Phone on hold.. You wonder where its going...Who the fuck is calling ... You're lost ... I'm never found.  Its not about where you end up .. its about the people that you meet on the way there.  Never fear for I am here... I am in love with the song ...   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcANFVcJeOM It just really seems to fit my life as of late....its about either going for what you know you could have or staying because its all you ever wanted. I think I might be on the verge of a vanishing act.  From the bars, from the idiots of the world.  I just want to be peaceful.. Just want to kayak the rivers and be with those I love ..  I can't keep up with everyone anymore..I'm sick of "getting drunk" with a bunch of random people.. Can't wait for my roadtrip.. I need to relax.. Work is stressing me the fuck out... Just gotta breathe <3 Current Mood: hopeful Current Music: Radiohead (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
5:40 pm	Resume .... What a long mother fucking week.. Oy VAYYY !  End already !!!  I can't wait for the weekend.  Volleyball, the beach, and hopefully some kite boarding :) I haven't been in 2 years and never really told anybody about my whole adventure with loving to kiteboard.. They'll be shocked at my skills of how hard I can throw myself into water while screaming. I sent a long letter and flowers and candy to my Friend's family :(... Its a shame that they live in Florida :( It would of been such an honor to say goodbye to their son face to face.  Blah.  In other news.  I can't wait to move !!  Tminus 3 weeks ahhhh !  I'm NOT going to miss Rochester AT ALL !!!  Fuck this placey !  I'll write updates about my moving adventures and such.  Speaking of Work .... Today was lame.  I got bitched at because I'm one of the girls ... I didn't even do anything wrong.. but because she was off and I was master and commander, my boss let me have it for her mistakes. Just notted my head and did my job.   I zinged him when he yelled at me for something until I explained to him that he was wrong and I was right..*shrugs shoulders*  Todays my anniversary there :)  I'm super happy about working there.  I LOVE the people and I thinik they all treat me like their daughter (being 10 years younger than everyone), and they have shown me SO MUCH about growing.  I said something quite profound today... "We don't grow up we just out grow".  Andy and I had a talk the other day about learning to outgrow people, the things you've done, how you used to be, and how its helped you change for the better .  :)   My two coworkers and I all had a heart to heart about that as well.  I've wasted so much time on everything and I am so blessed to be where I am now, with the people I am with <3. I can't wait to move ... I can't wait to be closer :):):):) !!!! GET ME OUT OF THIS DRAMA FILLED HORRIBLE HORRIBLE TOWNNN !!!!   Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Exit Ten "Resume Ignore" (Comment on this)
Monday, April 20th, 2009
1:51 pm	People disgust me One of my best friends from Florida was killed yesterday. I don't have many details... I can't stop fucking crying.  I've been sobbing at work for 3 hours.  I can't do anything.  I just sit here and stare out the window at the rain.  This kid was fucking amazing. He was so beauitful, kind, supportive, nice, always gave the best advice, always listened to what you had to say, believed in everyone, taught me how to forgive and forget, and always made me laugh. He was so amazing and its such a shame to lose someone so wonderful <3 Alfredo Becerra 08/26/86 - 04/19/09 Current Mood: crushed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
7:45 am	Work and Booze and Work and Booze I'm going to start carrying around pictures and autographing them for people <3 In other news, I'm working on my pictures!  :) I got an amazing job offer (its still for the same place) but I'm going back to school for 3 classes to become a public adjuster then moving to Hamburg :)  thats a $40,000 raise bitches !  I move hopefully at the end of May and I'm apprenticing and being a secondary adjuster for around a year first.  I finally got my paperwork back and a stampy for being a notary.. its neat !  :):)  I'm super proud of myself ! I like that I can legalize papers. Last weekend was pretty uneventful... OMG ... except Friday.. (my slide down) God save me...I went to the Dope, Sevendust, BLS show.  I was in the middle of the pit THE WHOLE TIME!  I lost my cell phone until some random guy gave it back to me 900 hours later.  I was too busy to even notice.  BLS played for 2 hours !  It was amazing.  I had a small black eye, majorly bruised ribs and I think my nose was bleeding.. haha.  I was kind of wasted.  Drank 4 drinks and 6 shots... I left after BLS was in the middle of some random 18 minute song.  I stumbled out and my friends kept calling asking where I was.  I walked for a mile before I flagged a cab and went to Bugjar...It was pourrring rain and I was soaked (tank in 30 degree weather).. some random girl gave me her sweater (which I still have)  I stumbled out of the bar and went to Ocals where my 2 friends (the bartenders) were like "Holy Fuck Jen what happened?!"  I just started sobbing and said "I want to go home"..BUT I COULDN'T CAUSE MY DRUNK ASS AWESOME FRIEND HAVE DROVE ME! and him and his new girl were still at the show !  Sooo.. I sat in the booth for an hour sleeping before I finally got a ride home :):) Saturday was nothing and Sunday was nothing (I don't think at least). At work now... As soon as I have time (aka today after going over my friends house later if I'm not too out of it, I'll keep on working on those pics ! :) *Blows kissies* Current Mood: amused Current Music: Shit you couldn't handle (Comment on this)
Friday, April 3rd, 2009
8:17 am	Rainy Rock Its uber craptastic out.. Everyone is sad !  I'm sooo happy its the weekend.. Wow !   This week was quick.. granted I worked 3 days this week... Yesterday I received great news about my job.. it includes me moving and getting the hell out of this loser town.. I'll discuss it later ;) Busy Busy today.. I just slammed my knee so fucking hard.. now I'm just like all my other coworkers... bitchy.. They're having a field day about my hair being curly today.. Black Label tonight with some of my old friends and friends from Buffalo. Then out on the town with them and my girls <3 Saturday is ugly disco but I was asked to go to a going away party for my friend Derek. I already got my disco ticket but meh who knows.  Sunday is my spring cleaning day and updation about the weekend that would of just happened and Camaro weekend the weekend before.. :):):):)  Lets see how I can stick to my plans.. probably poorly.. I wish it was last weekend all over again :) Ahhh !  I'm bored. Current Mood: lethargic (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009
1:21 pm	Junk Mail Had the most amazing weekend ever.  I'm still on cloud a million from it :) I haven't been this happy in a really really long time !!!  Camaro is the best band in the fucking universe <3 Sooo much fun ! ahhhhhhhhh !  My rib cage and neck is thrashed !  Love it !!  I'll have to post pics and stories soon.  Lock em down.. cause you couldn't handle seeing my awesomeness ;) I'm crazy right now.  I'm cranking NOFX and Jake right now.. its kind of neat I love work... Back to it.. post soon.. Sooo many stories... SUPER HYPER !!! :):):):) Current Mood: bouncy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, March 23rd, 2009
4:15 pm	Hate to but have to... Set it free.. I still don't have the reason And you don't have the time And it really makes me wonder If we ever gave a fuck about you And I...and so this is goodbye Give me something to believe in Cause I don't believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference, It even makes a difference to try And you told me how you're feeling But I don't believe it's true anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry So this is goodbye So this is goodbye Current Mood: curious (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 15th, 2009
8:51 pm	Speak for yourself.. My friend just wrote this amazing note about her life and what she has done wrong.  How she is really sad and how she was sorry to those she wronged.  How she wants to start over....My response to her note was "its not who you are that holds you back, its who you think you're not. The first step to getting it right, is admitting when you're wrong... Everyone is convinced eventually. Stay your path..you'll find it soon enough." She wrote back to me "Can you read what you just wrote"  and I simply wrote back "Thank you". I'm so on my period *cries*  Life is so beautiful.. when you see yourself    Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Mad Season (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 11th, 2009
8:04 pm	Sassy Box ! *Yawn*  Life has been amusingly boring as of late.. I'm so tired today !  I was supposed to go to a concert but meh.. oh well... I seriously can not wait for the summer.  Get me out of here !!! Road Trip ahhh ! :) I was reading my yearly horoscope at work today (nothing to do for a few hours) and it said "A road trip in July with a friend will be the break through that you've been looking for all of your life" .. Oh I could take that so many different ways.  I just hope it means I finally have a moment of surreal inner peace :) Going shopping tomrw and then out of town for the weekend probably...hopefully..Need blood work done.. again.. ewwww.. bah... I've been totally slacking on reading journals as of late.  So be prepared to be bombarded with my comments the next few days :) And now... the conversation of the day .... "Jen are you seriously drinking a Hi-C juice box?" " Um... Yes... Yes I am" "My 10 year old son drinks those" "So does the person that took over your job" :)  Current Mood: Soo Lazy Current Music: "Heart Shaped Box" Nirvana (Comment on this)
Monday, March 9th, 2009
8:08 pm	Road Trip My friend Kerry and I decided that we are going on a roadtrip the last two weeks of July...  I'm going to write why we are going to where we are going.. but for now.... Heres a rough draft :):)  I'm so happy that I finally have a friend that I can trust to drive a car (without killing me).  Haha ROCHESTER NY TO CHICAGO IL Total Estimated Time: 10 hours 14 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 611.74 miles CHICAGO IL TO SAN FRANCISCO CA Total Estimated Time: 31 hours 6 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 2130.01 miles SAN FRANCISO CA TO SANTA MONICA CA Total Estimated Time: 5 hours 54 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 381.45 miles SANTA MONICA CA TO SAN DIEGO CA Total Estimated Time: 2 hours 17 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 131.15 miles SAN DIEGO CA TO LAS VEGAS NEVADA Total Estimated Time: 5 hours 5 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 328.48 miles LAS VEGAS NEVADA TO AUSTIN TEXAS Total Estimated Time: 19 hours 4 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 1296.97 miles AUSTIN TEXAS TO CLEVELAND OHIO Total Estimated Time: 21 hours 36 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 1383.28 miles CLEVELAND OHIO TO ROCHESTER NY Total Estimated Time: 4 hours 12 minutes Total Estimated Distance: 250.10 miles I insisted that we go to San Diego... COMIC CON !!!!!!!!  Wooooo!!!!!! Current Mood: excited Current Music: Watching The Office (2 Comments |Comment on this)